So I've never officially been torn between two things badly enough that it makes my stomach ache. But then again, I've never really been torn between two things that were life altering before. How do people figure out what they really want out of life? I know the best thing is always prayer, but I guess my impatient personality just can't always handle the wait for God's guidance. So how do I decide between what my heart is telling me to go for, but my mind is telling me to hold back?
Example: I read an article in the New York Times the other day about a banker who had lost his job because of the economy a few months ago. In his recently acquired spare time he took up a lost art that he had given up during college in order to pursue his "get rich quick" and "fabulous lifestyle" of a finance researcher.(Ironic much?) This lost art that he re-discovered during this period of unemployment was a dream that he gave up in order to secure his future.(Ironic...again) Turns out the guy was an undiscovered pianist who had the mind of a genius when it came to theory and any sort of music history. He is now playing for a show that is to open in the fall at the Metropolitan Opera.
As encouraging and as inspirational a story like this is, real life doesn't always happen like that. Okay so maybe I am being a sort of Debbie-Downer, but realistically how often do things like this really happen? So if you possess an amazing talent with potential to be something great, should you take it and pray that God's plan for you entitles what you hope it does, or do you take the safer route and choose a secure plan for your life filled with opportunities to change the course if ever need be?
Yea, yea I know how dumb this sounds coming from a 17 year old high school student with plenty of years left ahead of her, but honestly life is short and I am blessed enough to be given opportunities like I never dreamed of being offered, so how can you blame me for wanting to take them? Maybe someday(hopefully soon, God :) ) I will figure out exactly what my purpose,(as far as a career or lifestyle goes), really is and I can be comfortable. Then again, as a Christian I am never to truly be comfortable.
So in all of this very vague and confusing rambling, I still ask the difficult question: How do I know exactly what to do when life requires me to make a decision?
And I would hope every answer to that would be: "Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you."-Matthew 7:7
Or some answer close to that. :)
In the meantime, I will continue to pray and be torn between my logic and my romantic aspects of my personality. Because I never can listen to either one or the other. Darn Mrs. Baxter for making my thinking never being the same again! That's just complex me though. Complex Emily. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
